what i want for my birthday...
Because all my friends end up giving me crappy iTunes gift card it's time for a little list on what I really want for my birthday. birthday wishes ~ Collapse )

help me?

(no subject)
INSANEUM.Collapse )

An Apology, A commentary on My Sister.
Sorry, I don't know you that well.Collapse )


Puking, Crying and Frustrations.
Hey, Mr. Taxi can you make my day better? Collapse )

It says I'M NORMAL.Collapse )

So I'm having a bad day.
Crying over spilled milk.Collapse )

Please don't read if you're going to judge, or talk about how people might be offended about this post being screened to the public.

custom mood thingie!
That's right, I figured it out.
What...Collapse )

clean up!

more under the cut.Collapse )

Day 04: Heechul & Hangeng, Part One.
Day 004: Heechul & Hangeng, Part One.

You know what I don't like hearing the first thing in the morning? A certain girl group on my flippin' radio singing about being shy and all that shit. Aiish, So Nyuh Shi Dae, please, please stop being on my radio. OH, AND WHAT'S WORSE, is that stupid Donghae was singing along, no, no, singing off-tune, off-pitch, I know I can't sing and everything, but aiish. REALLY?! I threw my slippers that were beside my bed at his face and groaned. 

"Yah, WEST SEA what the hell was that about?" he shouted/asked, putting his hands where it hurt the most. I groaned, put the covers over my head and mumbled lyrics from C.N. Blue. He threw the blue covers off my body, and I curled into a different position. "Someone needs to pay me to babysit you," he muttered.

I sat up and glared at the boy. Did this stupid East Sea have something to say to me? "Excuse me?" I asked like a bitch. Yes, Im Yoona is a raging PMSing bitch, can we get over that? "I'll have you know..." I trailed off, my temper slowly getting the better of me. It's been awhile since I've actually heard the words babysit, my father was always my babysitter, so it broke my heart into more tiny bits when I heard that.

I could hear Donghae groan and I could see his hands on his temples, I sighed. Some man he was, couldn't have a hangover quietly? He groaned even louder and then I realized that he REALLY couldn't be quiet about things like hangovers. I sighed, got onto the ground, took out a pill, and a packet of honey tea. I got up from my spot, walked over to Donghae's random groaning and smiled.

"Say ah!" I said sweetly. When he opened his mouth, I pushed the pill into his mouth and watched him as he swallow the damn thing. "Good!" I exclaimed, giving the boy a packet of my honey tea. He stared at it weirdly, wondering what to do with it. I sighed, why couldn't he realize it was TEA?! "Drink some, it's really good for hangovers," I said.

"Thank you..." he said quietly. I looked up and gave him a Tae Kyung smile before I left the room. Weird, Jang Geun Suk's smiles always scared the crap out of me, so it probably gave him creeps.

Today would be the very first day I would actually have breakfast, yay food!

"Yah, Yoo Kang Dae," a male said nonchalantly.

Damn it, nothing goes my way! I turned and crossed my arms, why would someone need to talk to me? "What?!" I asked angrily, yah, I didn't have breakfast for the last three days, can at least some today?! My eyes widened when I realized who I just back sass that day.

"Don't speak informally with me, young man," the male said. Aiish, blondie was making his way all the way over here. God damn, can't anything go my way in this stupid school? The male stopped right in front of me and gave me his 100 watt smile. "Besides, I know you want some," he said flirtatiously.

Kim Heechul, before I leave I'm going to beat the crap out of you. I sighed, and was about to put my fist in his face, when he took a hold of my nice right fist. "Let's talk, shall we?" he asked. What could he want from me?! He gave me a mischievous grin and started walking and talking with me, babbling about this and that.

"Hey, how's being Donghae's roommate?" he asked. I looked up and shrugged my shoulders, so far all I knew was that he liked his alcohol, had some kind of past with Taecyeon and his father was dead. Honestly, he hasn't shown one sign of trying to be my friend in the past four days. "He talks about you a lot," Heechul said randomly looking up at the ceiling, as if there was going to be a flashback or something. I raised an eyebrow, he looked at me and started laughing. "He truly does, says you need some anger management classes or something," he continued.

I paused and looked at him, he was hiding something. "You don't really want to talk about him, do you?" I asked suspiciously. He started smiling as if I caught him, then randomly took my hand. If there was anything I knew about Heechul, it was that he was funny in his own ways, and it seemed like he wanted to be closer with me...well maybe.

"You know Jung Jessica, the headmaster's daughter?" he asked.

Honestly, if he wanted me to make him hook up with her, there would be no future, no beginning, no middle, please. I'm not a matchmaker, that's...Taemin's job, not mine, but I ended up nodding my head.  He stared at me, and started rubbing his chin in a comical way, what was with these guys and being funny? Plus, why was he rubbing his chin?

"You better be listening to my radio show later then," he said randomly. What the? WHY DID HE SAY THAT?! He gave me a wink and left me dumbfounded for words. Why did he have to say that?! I blinked and headed to breakfast, confused and dazed as always with these guys.

I grabbed a tray full of food (those boys were going to steal half of it, I BET) and slid in the seat next to Kyuhyun, smiling at him and him just being him, scoffing at my attempt to be somewhat girly near him. I rolled my ears, and dug into my food.

Teukie Oppa smiled at me, taking my extra chocolate muffin. Hmm, next time I gotta get Jung Soo a better breakfast. "Hyung, why'd ya steal my food?" I asked, trying to take it back from him.

"You have too much food there, lemme help you with your load," he said holding me back from stealing back that muffin. He then took a bite out of the chocolate goodness and stuck out his tongue at me. "Sorry, deer, but you aren't getting your food back~" he teased. I puffed and watched as everyone else starting taking my food.

Kyuhyun ended up throwing his bit of food at me, and I threw mine at him. "Oh, Hyung, you're here," Kyuhyun said suddenly, seeing Donghae enter and sit somewhere near me so he could take away my food. I hissed, someone was taking my food again. How annoying! I was about to take the bagel from him, but he put the whole thing in his mouth.

I sighed, this was a fight I couldn't win. So much for that breakfast, I might as well go take a smoke. I got up silently and headed out, ignoring the sad, indescribable looks on their faces. As I reached outside, I sat on the curb again and took a drag.

"Kang Dae-shii, you still owe me a cigarette," said a voice. I scoffed, me owing someone a smoke? I threw the pack at the approaching person.

"Have it," I said, got rid of the cherry flavored heaven and looked up to the male. "May I ask what you want, Ok. Taec. Yeon?" I asked. He held up the pack and gave me a smirk, I gave him a glare in return. This guy was getting on my nerves. "I really don't like you," I said. Especially since yesterday Donghae got drunk because of that stupid beast.

"Is it because of your roommate?" he asked teasingly, that stupid smirk on his face. Oh, how wonderful it would be to punch it. "Don't even try it," he said, smirking at me. I scoffed and crossed my arms, what did this arrogant fool want? He got closer to me, cupped my face and kissed me on the lips, I pushed him away and gave him a disgusted look. He looked satisfied though, and left me.

Can we spell arrogant with a capital A-R-R-O-G-A-N-T?


"Kang Dae, I didn't mean what I did this morning," the male said while I was getting lunch.

I honestly don't give a damn about him and his stupid remarks. He could go suck on a cock for all I cared for. He ended up sliding in front of me and gave me some stupid puppy face. I scoffed and brushed away from him, this guy. I slid into a lunch seat at the beast's table and smiled at the others. "Seriously, I was still high from my other date..." he whispered into my ear, I could smell my cherry flavored cigarettes in his breath.

I turned to him to see our lips lock one more time. He pulled away first and I smiled. "There, you happy?" I asked, taking a bite out of my sandwich. A smile appeared on his face and he put his hand on my leg. I shouldn't have given him a bit of happiness. "Never talk about it again," I hissed. He smiled and nodded, taking a seat across from me. Oh gawd, I think I was going to shoot myself with him being so...I don't know, childish and fuckin' happy about a stupid kiss.

"Did you hear Jung Jessica is supposed to be on the radio tonight!" Jay exclaimed, jumping up and down in his seat, he was one of the easily excited males that made me flinch in annoyance. But at least he wasn't one of the guys who were actually gay, right?

 "Do you think...SHE will be on?" asked Nichkhun, his accent flowing in his speech, wonderful.

"Nah, Im Yoona's way too cool for something like that," Taecyeon said, disagreeing with him.

"But, I wish she was," Chansung said, daydreaming about me. Well, Im Yoona who was supposed to be me, but isn't because she's a female and I'm a guy. Shit, I'm going to confuse myself if I keep this up. "But she's actually sweet when I'm around her," he continued. I blinked, I was nice to this giant monkey Italian? Wait, OH YEAH. I was, I gave him a banana and he got really happy about that but that was when he used to go to the same middle school with me anyways.

"No, she's kind of a bitch," said Junsu. I nodded my head, yes I was a bitch to most people, couldn't help but agree. Maybe I should change that attitude/personality/whatever it was that made me this way? Taecyeon glared at me before I could roll my eyes and put my straw into the juice. "I doubt she acts like that on purpose," Taecyeon said defending Yoona...I mean me, I mean the female me. Junsu shrugged his shoulders before biting into the piece of chicken. That was yummy looking chicken he had there, I was tempted to get up from my spot and take the piece of chicken, but I already had my chicken.

"She used to be really nice," Junho said before biting into his own piece of chicken. Junsu nodded his head and said, "Bet it's because of her father." I looked up from my lunch, who was talking about my father and why were they talking about my father? Nichkhun glanced over to me, but I tried my best to look like I was nonchalantly listening to the conversation. He must have picked that up because he went back to the conversation and pretending he didn't see anything. "Yeah, he was so cool. Once he disappeared, she kind of collapsed," Junsu continued. I bit on my straw, my ears hurting from all this talk about my dad and me. I loved my father, but that couldn't be the reason why I was like this. "Heard she forgot what she did in the past and chopped her hair off because of it..." Junho said.
I dropped my juice bottle, watching it spill all over my clothes. Why was I acting like this? There wasn't a reason why I needed to act like this. It was stupid, he was my father, my father. He didn't need to be brought into the conversation with who I was. Just because he was...

"And her mother ran off. No wonder Yoona's a bitch."

I got up from my seat and left the table, not noticing at a nearby table that someone was walking after me. My thoughts were rushed, hurried, blurred in a way. No, my father wasn't the reason why I was acting like this. It wasn't because of my mother that I was acting like this. My father was my father, the sweetest man on Earth. Why couldn't I be like him? Why did I have to act like my mother? No, my mother wasn't the reason why I was being such an idiot. No, it couldn't be because of her. Could it? No, it wasn't possible. It was just that...

"Kang Dae, wait."

The thoughts stopped playing. I collapsed in his arms, I cried in his arms. I didn't even know who it was but I was crying in his arms, just like the little girl who needed their parents a long time ago. He held me in his arms just like my father did when he knew I wasn't having a good day. He ran his fingers through my hair, just like my father. "It'll be okay," he hummed softly into my ear. I cried into his arm, I cried really hard. I haven't cried this hard since my father died. "Bet you want to talk about it," he said.

I found myself nodding a bit, before he took my arm and dragged me to his dorm. He turned on the radio before he said anything. It said something about Jessica being on the radio at 6 PM, but he just chuckled at the thought of it. "I know that girl," he said. I looked up from the ground, why did he have to tell me that? "I used to date her," he continued. Jessica dated him? My memory lobes were hard at work, but they couldn't output the info I really wanted.

"When we used to date, I'd try to make her smile, try my best at anything to be good to her. Anything to prove that I was the one for her."

I slowly nodded my head.

"She broke my heart after years being with her. I tried to ignore the fact that we weren't together anymore, but everything seemed to remind me about her. And to help ease that pain of her in my mind, I found my brother's alcohol cabinet."

This couldn't be good.

"I soon got addicted to it. No one knew about it, no one even cared that I was getting into these little things, until she came. She was one of Jessica's friends, I thought she only came after me because she wanted to make my life miserable as well. But the day she saw me, she just stood there and gave me a bottle of apple cider. She took my bottle of vodka and she smiled at me, in a way I've never saw her do before." I looked up, this was sounding awfully familiar. "She sent me different types of cider from then on. All coming with the same note, get help, get help, or I'll take you to rehab myself. She did that, she took my drunken ass to rehab and for a good year, I was stuck there for rehabilitation reasons. When I left, she disappeared. She still sent me different ciders, but I never saw her with my two eyes."

"Then find her," I said finally. He smirked as if he knew those words were going to come out of my mouth. "It's harder than it sounds, West Sea," he said. I rolled my eyes and asked, "How could it?" The male got up from his side of the room and came closer to me. "Because, she lost her personal battle," he said. I blinked, what did he mean by that? "You'll figure it out..." he said, I rolled my eyes again, he being like Yoda, wonderful. Emo Sasuke was now Yoda. How the fuck did that work out?

"Besides, she doesn't remember me," he said before leaving the dorm. Why did I have a feeling that this male wasn't a stranger after all and that I may know more than I remember?
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