` ♚ miss mong (lolliloveee) wrote,
` ♚ miss mong

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you make me cry

I can't make my parents proud. My mom always yells at me when I waste so much time on the computer instead of making the house clean. But I just need a break from it all, I need a break from the real world, I need a break from all the homework that I go through. I need a break from the drama. I need a break from the screams and the shouts that my mom tend to say whenever she's mad at my dad.

I never learned how to do some of the housework. She yells at me but when I don't do housework voluntarily and compares me to my cousin who can do housework well, who can cook and here I am at the age of fifteen and can't cook, doesn't clean voluntarily, etc. It's hypocritical for her to say she's happy when I do well in school, but start screaming because I don't do anything else. And then when I start crying she screams at me for crying because all she did was say things that were true. But it hurts, it hurts when you can't make your parents proud and there's this stupid language barrier that you can't conquer. She wasn't there for most of my life, she wants me to be perfect, she wants me to be this beautiful kid with perfect abilities. But I can't do that if no one teaches me how to do it.

She never taught me how to sweep, she didn't teach me how to mop the floors, she screamed at me whenever I didn't hold the broom right, she yelled at me because she showed me a million times how to do something, but I couldn't get it the first time. She taught me plenty of other housework chores, but none of them went smoothly, they were with shouts and screams. She yells at me when I get lazy at times and don't do the things I'm told. But she's hypocritical too when she tells me to do something, she doesn't do it to her clothes. She's supposed to be a role model but all I get from her is that she's a woman who's always angry, who talks loudly into a phone, who can do housework, who gets angry and at my dad for some reason.

How am I supposed to learn when all she does is yell at me? What am I supposed to do when I don't know what I should do, but should know? Why should I stop crying when she hurt me so much?

My mother who beat me, who threw punches at the wall and told me I was stupid and couldn't do anything when I was younger, what am I supposed to do?

Someone tell me now.
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